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Wonderful

He's the boy of my dreams.

I'm not even kiding.

He is adorable.  He's polite.  He sings beautifully.  He plays football.  He runs track.  He is brilliant.  He loves Jesus.

If this doesn't work out, I don't know what I'll do.

Typical

This song is seriously so overplayed.

Girl meets boy.  Boys is charming.  Boy and girl become great friends.  Boy flirts with relatively every single thing with girl body parts.  Boy acts like he likes girl.  A lot.  Girl doesn't want to like boy.  Girl likes him anyway.  Boy tells girl all about his exciting new relationship with a girl two years younger than them.

Seriously...I'm just done with boys.  I'm so much happier when I'm not crushing on someone because then I don't have to concern myself with broken hearts and fickle men and relationships and drama and being sad because he doesn't like you back. 

I abolustely hate this feeling.

Three

I am celebrating myself today.

I've gone exactly three years without having a boyfriend. 

It started out on purpose, but it ended as an accident.

I made a pact with myself.  "No more dating...for a while." 

Three years ago, to my eighth grade mind, "a while" could have been a week.  But instead, I've gone three years.

And in these past three years, I've discovered myself, my strengths, my weakness, and choices I've made.  Also, I've been getting right with God. 

if there's one thing I've discovered in the last three years, it's that a boy does not complete me.  No person on earth will ever complete me.  Not even I can complete myself.

God completes me.  He values me; he gives me worth.  He is my best friend.

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Silly

You know, I don't care how silly and mindless new crushes are anymore.

I'm allowed.

I don't have to be serious and fun-less all the time.

I can branch out, talk to boys, make new friends, flirt a little bit, and maybe meet someone great.

There's nothing wrong with that.

I'm allowed to have fun.

Tunes

Well, it's the day before October, and I've pulled out the Christmas music finally.  I feel like I've been waiting forever to do this.

The last memory I have of the Christmas holiday from last year was on New Years Day.  Mom said that we had to take down the Christmas tree.  So, we started taking it down as we watched The Polar Express and listened to holiday radio stations. 

But we had a New Year's Eve Party to go to, so we only got about half of the tree done before we had to go get ready for our night out. 

I was wearing my new jeans, a yellow long sleeve shirt, and a black vest.  We went and picked up a friend, then we went  to the bowling alley and played our annual New Year's Eve bowling game.

Then, we went to the friend's house, ate my grandma's homemade chex mix, and played Rock Band all night.

My sister stayed the night atmy grandma's house, and my brother and I went home with my parents.

I remember going home into my room, and it being really cold in the house that night.  I put on my new blue sweatpants and a white long sleeve shirt.  All of my new presents were laying on the floor at the foot of my bed.  I went to bed around 2:00.

And then, all I remember is my worst nightmare coming true.  My dad's shouts of "FIRE!" over and over again, the sound of the fire alarm, smoke everywhere, my little brother and I in our bare feet with no coat out in the snow, my mom standing at the doorway yelling and crying for the cat to come out of the house, me yelling over and over again that the fire trucks were so slow.  The air filled up with smoke.  Smoke from our house.  My house.

It's been 9 months since we've been out of our house.  Hopefully we'll get in this month.

Night

The night seems so crazy magical. It feels like anything could happen.

That boy you've been waiting on...he could finally text you, or call you, or leave you a message.

Or maybe you'll read the best book of your life, all in one sitting, because you couldn't put it down.

Or maybe, you'll cry buckets because that favorite sad movie of yours is playing on TV.

Or maybe you'll just sit a dream about the might-be's, and the could-have-happened's, and the regrets, dreams, and wishes that you've always had.

Magic

Oh my goodness.

So yesterday, our band had to play at a Revival.  That was cool.

I came at 1:30 to practice.  This other band was there, and they're getting pretty big now.  I used to sing in a youth band with their drummer, and now his younger brother plays bass for our band.

So anyway, the other band has four guys in it.  I've only see them one other time.  But there was this guy that was helping them set up and get their table ready and everything while we were practicing. 

We got done practicing, and that guy (who is super attractive) came up to me, held out his hand, and said "Hello.  I'm (whatever his name was.  I didn't remember it).  What's your name again?"

So I told him.  And then he repeated it.  And then he said "You have a great voice.  I was listening to you."

I said thank you.  And smiled.

Wow.  He was so cute.

Then I got to see them perform...and they were so great.

Our five second conversation was like magic.  :)

Alone

I feel kind of like there's no one to talk to. 

I'd really love to just sit down with someone who really cares and who has the time to listen and just let it out.

Let out everything that I've been dealing with the past couple of months.

I'm finding myself trying to take control of my life so much lately instead of just giving it all up to God, and I'm really struggling with it.

I don't want to be in control all the time.  But I can't seem to stop myself.

I feel really lonely.

Dance

I'm going back to my roots. 

Back to dance shoes and tights and leotards, back to fun music, stretching, floor exercises, and ponytails.

Back to happiness.

I feel like I'm coming home.

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Summer

 My summer was a complete success.

I can't believe how much I've done in less than three months. 

HOBY - I met the greatest people who are leader/nerd types just like myself.  I've been motivated to volunteer.  I learned that just being myself is still good enough.

Florida - My family drives me nuts.  But I love them.  It's just how it goes.

IYC - I've decided I love Texas.  I have faith that God is going to do something incredible with my life.  I have to do something with music when I grow up, or I'll never be happy.  I met Sanctus Real.  I stalked Chris Tomlin.  I met a great friend.  I won an iPod.  And I realized how much I rely on my youth pastor and leaders for everything.  They are my family.

Yearbook Camp - I'm an editor at last!  I feel like the stress of the last two years is finally worth it.  I remembered my friends from my school, and I know that with a little determination, I can make my junior year incredible. We're going to have an amazing book.

West Virginia - I'm still in shock that I got to see Kaelie and the rest of my Missouri family.  I couldn't live without them.  They are one of the biggest blessings in my life.  I'm so grateful for their generosity, support, and love.  I am so happy they are in my life.

August - Babysitting has been mellow.  I took naps until noon everyday. My youth pastor is church planting, and it's breaking my heart.  The boy who I thought would someday be mine is not.  The boy I counted on is not there anymore.  And a new boy is in my life.  I have the biggest obsession ever with the Jonas Brothers.  I have a new soundtrack to start my school year - Secondhand Serenade, The Maine, Mayday Parade, We The Kings, This Providence, The Academy Is..., Forever The Sickest Kids, and Cute Is What We Aim For.  I actually enjoy the fair.  I'm now 17.  I had a great party that didn't have several thousand people.  I will reunite with people from my school and be happy.

But best of all this summer, I have my best friend back.  Somehow between Texas hotels, loving the Jonas Brothers, growing in God, and losing a few pounds, we are back and better than ever.  I'm so grateful.  It's like we never grew apart.

I am blessed, and I am so happy.